Yeah I get it--but the alcohol part isn't what get's me--its a lot of Natives (people) who can't (or won't), express what they feel. Right now, after losing our son from alcohol +, most of my family are struggling from alcohol addiction after avoiding it for most of their life.
I appreciate hearing about your writing process. I’ve always been a visceral reader - experiencing your poem arrow pierce my heart (like this poem did and - yes- I agree the added details took it to a deeper level). I often don’t have words after I read your poems, the arrow pierces my heart and feelings take over. But when I listen to you talk about how you write/ what you are trying to communicate to your reader it adds another perspective. I like it. I’m learning things.
No, my father never said anything to me or did anything for me because he abandoned me at one year old. What's worse: growing up fatherless or with one who is an alcoholic?
My father was an absolute normal drinker, seldom more than a beer or a glass of wine. But I have known several men who were that father. Fortunately many were able to change and able to tell their children how much they loved them. Wonderful poem, thanks
After we were grown up and out of the house, my brother said to me, “drinking a six pack every night is a lot, right?” And worried about him, I said, “oh man, are you okay?” And he said, “I was just remembering when we were young. How often did we come out in the morning and see 6 bottles in front of the television?” I said, “Every morning. Oh wow.” “Yeah,” he said.
Sometimes, you don’t even know how much your dad drinks until much later! It just seems normal. How would you know it’s not typical?
Amazing how a few words can change the whole mood of a poem. Even your spoken word "too many beers.." was different from your revised writing....adding another layer.
Always loved looking at poet's scratched-up drafts. Still love watching drafts evolve, even without the inky notes. And yep, really is amazing how one line, or even one word, can totally shift a thing. : )
It's something I always struggle with: how to express powerful emotion (sadness, anger, confusion, and so on) without becoming too self-conscious or sappy? One way is through comedy and irony but sometimes that can take you only so far. One thing you have always been good at is keeping a certain ironic distance, allowing the poem to have the complexities we expect from a poem, instead of drifting into random psychic bloodletting. And now I'm trying to decide if what I just said is acutely profound or intellectual hogwash. Maybe a bit of both.
Sherman: I think the time between the first and section version allowed you to create distance, so that you could keep the emotion while also achieving the objectivity necessary to write the last stanza.
This is such a painful but beautiful poem. The pacing of the revision on Substack works well for me. Thank you for showing us both. Can I share this with my creative writing students?
Yeah I get it--but the alcohol part isn't what get's me--its a lot of Natives (people) who can't (or won't), express what they feel. Right now, after losing our son from alcohol +, most of my family are struggling from alcohol addiction after avoiding it for most of their life.
I appreciate hearing about your writing process. I’ve always been a visceral reader - experiencing your poem arrow pierce my heart (like this poem did and - yes- I agree the added details took it to a deeper level). I often don’t have words after I read your poems, the arrow pierces my heart and feelings take over. But when I listen to you talk about how you write/ what you are trying to communicate to your reader it adds another perspective. I like it. I’m learning things.
Thank you, Leigh. It’s great to hear that my intentions are working in my commentaries!
Your poem is beautiful and haunting in its simplicity. Thank you.
Alcoholism truly is a terrible curse that feeds perfectly on our capacity for self-delusion.
Thank you.
No, my father never said anything to me or did anything for me because he abandoned me at one year old. What's worse: growing up fatherless or with one who is an alcoholic?
That's a painful question.
Life is full of pain no matter what condition or situation we grow up in. It's how we deal it that separates the winners from the rest.
Beautiful.
And a good lesson for all of us who are fathers: learn how to say "I adore you, child".
I will practice this immediately.
Yes!
While most communication was/is quite limited, I’m grateful that my father’s two subjects are music and how much he loves us.
That is lovely.
My father was an absolute normal drinker, seldom more than a beer or a glass of wine. But I have known several men who were that father. Fortunately many were able to change and able to tell their children how much they loved them. Wonderful poem, thanks
I love this, the idea and the symbolism, and I 💯 identify with it. I also just adore listening to your live editing.
The second version was just gorgeous and made me legitimately sob.
Thank you, Nicci.
Yes, better.
Thank you.
After we were grown up and out of the house, my brother said to me, “drinking a six pack every night is a lot, right?” And worried about him, I said, “oh man, are you okay?” And he said, “I was just remembering when we were young. How often did we come out in the morning and see 6 bottles in front of the television?” I said, “Every morning. Oh wow.” “Yeah,” he said.
Sometimes, you don’t even know how much your dad drinks until much later! It just seems normal. How would you know it’s not typical?
My Dad was a binger. So he'd be sober for weeks and months at a time. And then he'd fall off the wagon hard and bounce many many times.
Amazing how a few words can change the whole mood of a poem. Even your spoken word "too many beers.." was different from your revised writing....adding another layer.
Always loved looking at poet's scratched-up drafts. Still love watching drafts evolve, even without the inky notes. And yep, really is amazing how one line, or even one word, can totally shift a thing. : )
And I love that Substack enables me to do this anytime that I want to!
And "too many beers" is such a universal.
It's something I always struggle with: how to express powerful emotion (sadness, anger, confusion, and so on) without becoming too self-conscious or sappy? One way is through comedy and irony but sometimes that can take you only so far. One thing you have always been good at is keeping a certain ironic distance, allowing the poem to have the complexities we expect from a poem, instead of drifting into random psychic bloodletting. And now I'm trying to decide if what I just said is acutely profound or intellectual hogwash. Maybe a bit of both.
Whatever it is, it makes sense!
Thank you for this. Hits very close to Home.
Thank you, Dana.
Sherman: I think the time between the first and section version allowed you to create distance, so that you could keep the emotion while also achieving the objectivity necessary to write the last stanza.
Thank you, Peter. I wish I could've explained my reasons for the rewrite as well as you just did!
This is such a painful but beautiful poem. The pacing of the revision on Substack works well for me. Thank you for showing us both. Can I share this with my creative writing students?
Thank you. And, yes, you can always share any of my work with your students.
Thanks for the restack.