My big sister died in a house fire and I've been afraid of fire ever since. I sometimes wonder if I'd find the courage to build a fire if I found myself lost in the wilderness. Then I remember that I don't know how to build a fire because I've always been too afraid to learn how to build a fire. God, I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire, I'm afraid of fire. I'm afraid of fire— the orange, the red, the yellow, the blue. I'm afraid of fire— the orange, the red, the yellow, the blue. I'm terrified of fire. Why aren't you?
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I too am sooo afraid of fire. What is it about Indian Country that we are impacted by fire, drownings and car wrecks. In the early 1980's (Tacoma) I was aked by my best friend to take my son to a friends house, where the matriarch was babysitting a bunch of kids under the age of 10, so everybody could go party elsewhere. My son was sick so I said "no I can't tonight". Got a call at 6 am notifying me that the house burnt down and 8 children died in that fire that was started by kids playing with matches. All native children -- so tragic, yet not unusual. So I'm super afraid of fires (I won't have a wood stove) and so many lost in car wrecks that I am a paranoid driver. So sorry for your loss, we never get over them or stop thinking about those we have lost.
Your sadness and fear are palpable in the poem. I think there is a primal attraction to stare into the the flames of a small, controlled fire. It's when control is lost that attraction turns to fear and horror always remembered.