I remember wanting to drive my car into a wall. A widow with three teenagers, one of whom, a daughter very like me, had seceded from all rules, and used our home as a crash pad when it suited but never told me where she was going to be. I had lost control and still had to work twelve hour shifts, responsible for the lives of patients. I fantasized signing myself into Vinita, the state mental hospital, but that would have meant foster care fore the kids. Somehow, God hung on to me. They are all strong, kind adults with thriving families. But I remember. At 79, my body often feels like it needs to be traded in,but that’s another matter. I love the vilanelle. Had never heard of it. Keep on keeping on, making beauty from ashes. You are, and have, a wonderful gift. And thank God for your Diane.
The first in my known family to become a Christian at 32, I used Psalms instead of antidepressants. Though I had had a very good year of mandatory psychotherapy. In 1971 in NYC on medicaid suicide attempts got you a mandatory month in the hospital followed by therapy. I was 27, and it helped. Wrote a poem about a wheel of mood. Realised I was bipolar, though never officially diagnosed. With some Asbergers on the side, fries extra. 😉
I've been taking antidepressants for 30 years. Sometimes I still feel the edge of depression, but nothing like the long ago days, when I thought about driving into traffic. I don't think I would have done that, but I spent hours trying to decide what music would be playing, when they arrived with the jaws of life. I think it was Bird on a Wire by Aaron Neville, maybe. Your poem felt so sad. Depression is like you're halfway erased from life--body, mind and soul.
Depression as a puppet master. I'd never thought of it that way until now. Depression takes away the light from a person's eyes. It doesn't take the light from my eyes as often or in the way it used to. A relief to be mostly free of those strings. So many people aren't free.
Yes. I think that's one of the more discombobulating aspects of meds. Mentally there's soothing or leveling, while the impacts on the physical self are alien. Unlike what you'd normally experience.
This week I had a student go from my classroom to psychologist to psych hospital in an hour. I am sure this is exactly where they were. You nailed it.
Love the Villanelle form. Something for me to try!
This one hits a little home. Well done, Sherman.
Thank you, Ewan.
I remember wanting to drive my car into a wall. A widow with three teenagers, one of whom, a daughter very like me, had seceded from all rules, and used our home as a crash pad when it suited but never told me where she was going to be. I had lost control and still had to work twelve hour shifts, responsible for the lives of patients. I fantasized signing myself into Vinita, the state mental hospital, but that would have meant foster care fore the kids. Somehow, God hung on to me. They are all strong, kind adults with thriving families. But I remember. At 79, my body often feels like it needs to be traded in,but that’s another matter. I love the vilanelle. Had never heard of it. Keep on keeping on, making beauty from ashes. You are, and have, a wonderful gift. And thank God for your Diane.
The first in my known family to become a Christian at 32, I used Psalms instead of antidepressants. Though I had had a very good year of mandatory psychotherapy. In 1971 in NYC on medicaid suicide attempts got you a mandatory month in the hospital followed by therapy. I was 27, and it helped. Wrote a poem about a wheel of mood. Realised I was bipolar, though never officially diagnosed. With some Asbergers on the side, fries extra. 😉
I've been taking antidepressants for 30 years. Sometimes I still feel the edge of depression, but nothing like the long ago days, when I thought about driving into traffic. I don't think I would have done that, but I spent hours trying to decide what music would be playing, when they arrived with the jaws of life. I think it was Bird on a Wire by Aaron Neville, maybe. Your poem felt so sad. Depression is like you're halfway erased from life--body, mind and soul.
Absolutely beautiful, felt this in my bones. It also served as a reminder to take my antidepressants! Much obliged!😵💫
I'm happy to be the reminder!
Sherman-Thanks for a penetrating visual of that marionette waltz so many of us seem to dance--alone.
Thank you.
Painful to read. Deeply grateful you have so many close who love and care for you.
Thank you, Jeanne
Brutal yet beautiful. Thank you for sharing! I needed to read this ...
Thank you, Ruth.
This hurts. Are you okay? DBT!! I know I have slipped up on mine. Many can be here for you!
Making it through. I have close family and friends.
Depression as a puppet master. I'd never thought of it that way until now. Depression takes away the light from a person's eyes. It doesn't take the light from my eyes as often or in the way it used to. A relief to be mostly free of those strings. So many people aren't free.
Thank you, Amanda. The freedom of euthymia.
Achingly descriptive. Thank you.
Thank you, Kate.
Wow! Great poem Sherman!
Thank you, Pamela.
Very good use of the form. I feel it viscerally.
It takes me back to my bro's initial diagnosis of schizophrenia and the hefty anti-psychotics which stole his beautiful, muscular body from him.
Doing the Stellazine shuffle.
Oh, man, the side effects of the meds. Some far more harsh than others.
Yes. I think that's one of the more discombobulating aspects of meds. Mentally there's soothing or leveling, while the impacts on the physical self are alien. Unlike what you'd normally experience.
The weight gain, ugh.
Very good use of the form. I feel it, viscerally.
It takes me back to my bro's initial diagnosis of schizophrenia and the hefty anti-psychotics which stole his beautiful muscular body from him.
Doing the Stellazine shuffle.
Brutal. Thanks for sharing -- it helps to know that others share this sense of not being a part of one self when in the grip of depression.
Thank you, Harriet.
Thank you for this. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and this is how I'm feeling now that the days in South Dakota are cold and dark.
Cold and dark in Seattle, too.