Two Squirrel Stories

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Squirrel One

In 2008, I made a guest appearance on The Colbert Report. Modesty aside, I’ll say that I was really good. I think that I surprised Stephen Colbert with my verbal dexterity, sense of humor, and confidence (which was an act because I was extremely nervous).

During the appearance, I made the joke that my spirit animal is the squirrel. That, of course, is not true. Even if I did have a spirit animal, I wouldn’t tell you. I was just making fun of the Indian-worshipping white people who claim to have spirit animals. Those white folks invariably choose spirit animals that are on the top of the food chain. Even the vegans and vegetarians choose canivores and omnivores.

So, yes, I chose the lowly squirrel as my imaginary spirit animal because I thought it would be funny. I hadn’t planned that particular joke. I improvised during the entire interview. Well, based on my years of debate training in high school and college, I knew that I was going to immediately reverse the host-guest relationship by asking Colbert a question before I answered any of his. But I promise you that I improvised the squirrel.

Here I am during the show:

You can watch a video of my guest appearance with this link. It’s a highlight of my career.

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Squrrel Two

In 2014, I was a guest writer at Whitman College in Walla, Walla, Washington. As I walked with students from one classroom visit to another, I talked about stereotypes. I recalled my appearance on The Colbert Report and told those students the same joke about squirrels and spirit animals.

And then I added, “Yeah, if an Indian tells you their Indian name or their spirit animal then they’re just performing for white people. It’s capitalism.”

At that very moment, a squirrel ran from the underbrush and hopped on my foot. I took a photo with my phone:

Yup, that’s my boot and my squirrel.

The students were surprised and amused. Years ago, a Native friend had given me the nickname of Shaman Perplexy so maybe that squirrel was the assistant for my magic show.

I assumed that squirrel was looking for its mother. Other folks have told me that it was trying to mate with my boot.

I thought about calling animal rescue but I didn’t think I’d be rescuing the little thing. If it was missing its mother then the mother would likely be returning soon. And if that squirrel was just horny then I didn’t want it getting amorous on my foot.

So I gently shook the squirrel off my boot and back into the underbrush. The students stared at me. Some smiled. Some stifled laughter. Some were obviously worried about the squirrel.

And I said, “This is hilarious because my real Indian name is Little Coincidence.”

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