When I Was a Drunk
poem
Article voiceover
When I was a drunk, I was poor so I'd buy one can of good beer and drink that first then I'd drink the half- or full case of cheap shit beer that I could afford. When I was a drunk, I'd think of my childhood years when I swore that I'd never become a drunk like my father. But I binge-drank like him. I blacked out like him. I woke in stranger's houses like him. But then, unlike my father, I got sober and have been sober for over thirty years. My father never got sober. He died of alcoholism. I loved that broken man. I miss him. So let me raise my glass of water to my father. Let me play an honor song for the Indian man who, like too many other Indian men, died too young.
Every dragon is born missing a scale. Each has its own unique vulnerability. Finding that bare patch before the arrow finds it is a great challenge we all face. I’m really glad you found your vulnerability before the arrow found its mark. I’m sorry your Pop wasn’t so lucky. He must be so proud of you when he hears your song.
All the chords that were never played and the lyric poems that were never written and the murals that went unpainted... because the agony of the soul was swallowed or sniffed or injected before it could be transmuted into the beauty that stays beyond the suffering-- where does it all go? I don't think it can be in vain. I know too many who have died too soon but it doesn't mean their lives were empty. Your father left beauty and love beyond the grave and you carry it forward, having the stamina to give it forth to the world, and your own sons.